What to Pack When Leaving for a Refuge

Leaving an abusive relationship is rarely a single, tidy moment. It is often a series of decisions made under pressure, sometimes with very little warning. If you are preparing to go to a refuge — or think you may need to leave quickly — having a few essentials ready can make an enormous difference. You do not need to pack a whole life. You need enough to get you and your children through the first few days safely and comfortably.

Preparing a Bag Before You Need It

If it is safe to do so, prepare a small bag and keep it somewhere your partner cannot easily find it. A trusted friend's house, a locked work locker, a neighbour you trust, or the boot of a car you alone have access to are all worth considering. Think of it as a hospital bag: compact, practical, and easy to grab.

If space is tight, prioritise in this order: documents, medication, money, chargers, then comfort. If a bag is discovered, it helps to have a plausible explanation ready — a gym bag, a hospital bag for an upcoming appointment, or clothes for a child's sleepover.

Some people never get the chance to prepare. If you have to leave with nothing but the clothes you are wearing, that is still leaving, and it is still the right call. Refuges expect this and will help you replace what is missing.

Documents, Money and Practical Essentials

Paperwork is the hardest thing to replace later, so it comes first whenever possible.

• Identification: passports, birth certificates, driving licence, visas or biometric residence permits, and your NHS number if you have it written down.
• Financial items: bank cards, a small amount of cash, payslips, and any letters about benefits such as Universal Credit or Child Benefit.
• Housing and legal papers: tenancy agreement, mortgage details, court orders, and any correspondence from a solicitor or the police.
• Keys: a spare set for your home, car and workplace, kept separately from the ones you carry daily.
• A phone: if you can, keep a cheap pay-as-you-go handset and SIM, plus a written list of important numbers in case your main phone is taken or tracked.

Photographs of documents stored somewhere secure online can be a lifeline if the originals are left behind. Only do this from a device your partner cannot access.

Medication, Health and Personal Care

Pack any prescription medication you or your children take, ideally with a few weeks' supply and the repeat prescription slip. Include inhalers, insulin, EpiPens, contraception, and any equipment such as a glucose monitor.

Add a basic toiletries kit: toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo, sanitary products, nappies and wipes if you have a baby. A small first-aid kit with plasters and painkillers is useful, as is a glasses case with a spare pair of spectacles or contact lenses and solution. It is worth noting your GP surgery's name and address — refuge staff can help you register with a new practice, but having the details speeds things up.

Packing for Children

Children cope far better when something familiar comes with them. Alongside practical clothing, try to include:

• A favourite toy, blanket, comforter or dummy.
• Two or three changes of clothes, pyjamas, and a warm coat.
• Nappies, formula, bottles, a sling or a lightweight buggy if you use one.
• Any medication, plus a note of allergies and current doses.
• School or nursery details, including the name of the setting and a teacher's name, so arrangements can be made.
• A book, colouring pencils, or a small tablet with headphones for distraction during travel.

If your child has additional needs, pack anything that supports them — sensory items, a communication book, or a favourite snack. These small objects often do more for a child's sense of safety than anything else in the bag.

Technology, Chargers and Online Safety

Phone chargers and a power bank are genuinely essential — a flat battery can leave you cut off. If you can, bring a charger for every device your children rely on, plus headphones.

Before you leave, if it is safe, consider turning off location sharing and any "find my device" features, signing out of shared accounts, and checking whether smart watches, tablets or children's devices are linked to a shared account. Change passwords from a device your partner has never used, and remember that cloud photo libraries and shared calendars can sync without you realising. Do not attempt any of this if doing so might put you at greater risk. A support worker or a specialist helpline can talk you through it afterwards.

What You Can Leave Behind — and What Comes Next

You do not need to bring furniture, bedding, kitchen equipment or a full wardrobe. Refuges provide the basics, including bedding, towels, toiletries and food, and staff can help you apply for a grant or a community care grant for anything else.

Refuge addresses are confidential, and you will normally be supported with benefits, housing applications, school places and legal advice. If you have pets, mention this when you call — many services can arrange foster care.

Most importantly, remember that the bag is a help, not a requirement. What matters is that you go. Take what you can carry, leave what you cannot, and let the people who meet you at the other end help with the rest.