How Refuges Support Children Affected by Domestic Abuse

Why Children Need Their Own Support in a Refuge

When a family arrives at a refuge, the focus often lands on the adult survivor — safety planning, housing, benefits, legal matters. But children arrive with their own experiences, their own fears and their own recovery to make. They may have witnessed violence, been directly harmed, or spent months living on high alert, listening for raised voices or footsteps on the stairs. Some have changed schools repeatedly. Others have taken on the role of protecting a parent or a sibling.

Refuges that support children well understand a simple principle: a child who feels safe can begin to make sense of what has happened. That rarely happens through a single conversation. It happens through routine, play, patience and adults who do not flinch when a child says something difficult.

Play Therapy and Therapeutic Activities

Play is how children process events they cannot yet put into words. Many refuges offer play therapy delivered by trained therapists, either on site or through a partner service. Sessions might involve sand trays, puppets, drawing, role play or storytelling. A child might act out a scene with figures, or paint a house with a big red door and no windows, and the therapist will not rush to interpret it. The point is to give the child a space where nothing is off limits and nothing they do is wrong.

Alongside formal therapy, everyday therapeutic activity matters just as much:

• Art and craft groups where children can be messy, expressive and in control of what they make.
• Movement and sensory play, including soft play, trampolining or simply running around outdoors, which helps discharge the physical tension that comes with trauma.
• Group sessions with other children in the refuge, which reduce the isolation and shame a child may feel.
• One-to-one time with a key worker, giving a child a predictable adult to check in with each week.

Sessions are usually child-led. A child who does not want to talk is not pressured to talk. A child who wants to play the same game ten times is allowed to.

Keeping School on Track

Disruption to education is one of the most damaging effects of domestic abuse. Children may have missed weeks of school, fallen behind, or been moved to a new area entirely. Many refuges have a dedicated education or school liaison worker who can:

• Contact the old school to arrange transfer of records and discuss any support already in place.
• Help enrol children at a new school quickly, including arranging transport and uniforms.
• Speak to the new school about what the child has experienced, with the parent's consent, so staff can respond sensitively.
• Arrange extra help such as one-to-one tuition, a mentor, or a referral to the school's pastoral team or educational psychology service.
• Advocate for a child who is being bullied or who is struggling to concentrate.

Some children need a delayed start or a phased return. Others want to go back immediately because school feels like the one normal thing left. Both responses are reasonable, and a good liaison worker will work at the child's pace.

Emotional Support and Key Workers

Children in refuge are often allocated a key worker who is separate from the parent's support worker. This matters. It gives the child an adult whose job is to focus on them, and it avoids the child feeling that every conversation is really about their mum. Key workers help children name feelings, build coping strategies such as breathing exercises or a worry box, and prepare for changes like moving on to permanent housing.

They also watch for signs that a child needs more specialist help — nightmares, regression, self-harm, aggression or withdrawal — and can refer to child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS) or a local therapeutic service. Waiting lists can be long, so early referral is worth pursuing even if the child appears to be coping.

Helping Children Talk About What Happened

Children often carry secrets. They may have been told not to tell, or they may worry that speaking up will get a parent into trouble. Refuges create conditions where talking becomes possible:

• Clear, age-appropriate honesty. Staff use simple language and answer questions truthfully without graphic detail.
• No pressure to disclose. A child decides what to share and when.
• Reassurance about blame. Children frequently believe the abuse was their fault, and this belief needs gently and repeatedly correcting.
• Permission to love both parents. Children can hold complicated feelings, and staff avoid criticising the abusive parent in front of them.

When a child does begin to talk, the response is calm and steady. Adults say things like "Thank you for telling me" and "That must have been really hard" rather than reacting with shock or anger.

What Parents and Referrers Can Do

If you are a parent in refuge, ask what children's support is available and don't assume it is only for older children. Under-fives need it too. Ask whether there is a play therapist, an education liaison worker and a children's key worker, and whether siblings can be supported together or separately. Keep routines as consistent as you can — bedtimes, meals, school — because predictability helps children feel safe.

If you are referring a family, flag children's needs at the point of referral rather than later. Mention ages, any special educational needs, any known trauma symptoms, and whether a child has been directly harmed. The sooner a refuge knows, the sooner it can put the right support in place.